I’m finally able to get married.
I’ve grown up with two desires in my mind which have sometimes felt contradictory until now: 1) being an
independent woman and 2) being a married woman. Growing up as the oldest of three girls, our business-
owning mother always taught us that we could do anything that we put our minds to and taught us that we should be strong women and forge out on our own and not to rely on men to support us.
And forge out on our own we did. As many women do today, I did not take the direct path to marriage and
kids. I always had an affinity for “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost, I had taken “the road less traveled.” I lived overseas, I traveled, I moved to cities where I had to start all over, I became wholly involved in my own self-exploration; I have fallen in love and out of love. That road has certainly not been traveled just by me, but I have more recently found myself at a cross roads in life as have many of my single women friends.
We have all taken a path where finding a husband that would then give us our offspring was not the priority. Approaching my thirties definitely gave me pause to contemplate the road that I had taken a bit more. When I was in elementary school, I seriously thought I would meet my future husband in college, get married at 22 when I graduated and then start having babies a couple years later. As 22 approached, that was certainly NOT what I wanted to do. I don’t judge anyone who has taken that path, but I quickly realized that was not for me. But, in the last couple years, knowing deep down in my consciousness, that marriage and kids is something that I have always wanted, I wondered if one had to take one path over the other.
I felt in some way that the path I had taken necessitated a certain “composure” about my future love life, I
should somehow outwardly reject or rather, not care, about whether my future involved marriage. This, maybe, had some to do with the contradictory effects of my socialization and some to do with my own superstition (if I said I wanted it, then I wouldn’t get it). However, recently, I have finally realized that I don’t need to reject either side of my socialization.
I am an independent, empowered woman that someday wants to get married and have babies. We are socialized beings, and I have undeniably become increasingly aware of my female socialization. We are also biological beings, and as many women (of any sexual orientation) realize as they near their late-20s, early-30s, I have become aware of what we call “the biological clock.” Instead of denying these parts of myself out of superstition or resistance, I have come to a point where I invite these emotional challenges in and link them with the independent nature I was nurtured with. I can finally say, without superstition or fear, that I want to get married.
Note: I recognize that I was born with the privilege as a heterosexual female where I am afforded the opportunity to marry if and when I fall in love, and sadly, we are still fighting everyday for that to be everyone's right.